i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize