I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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