if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
my poor anus
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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