you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
