People in love make me want to vomit
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
