i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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