his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
