you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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