Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
