So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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