I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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