Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize