To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
