Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So many bounce houses so little time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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