quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
