i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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