FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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