brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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