Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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