Porn is love you can see.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
