I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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