when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
A bitchslap is in order.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
where are my eyebrows?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
