if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
