I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
