Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
