Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My Sexting was not on an AP level
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
