Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
