Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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