Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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