shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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