My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
