I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
