i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
