3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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