I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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