mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
