She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Your cock deserves a montage
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
