Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
