I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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