The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
