Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
