You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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