I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
