No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
