He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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