u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
