Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
