she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
