i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
