I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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