Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
