Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
