dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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