i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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