Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
