lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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