I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
