the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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