if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
