Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My ass is underappreciated
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
