What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
