I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
