every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
