My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize