I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
