Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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