she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
