yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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