Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
